90210 -- Like watching a 6th grader drop acid.

I will explain...

First of all, I keep watching. Mainly out of some sort of misdirected loyalty. I mean, I started this. I feel like I should finish it out, like a bad marriage I'm sticking to because of the kids.

The show has stopped giving me seizures, which is definitely on the plus side. I mean, they're keeping with a fairly cohesive storyline. I mean, the storyline sucks, but at least it makes sense now.

Spoiler Alert: Dylan is the baby daddy. Kelly is going to see him to see if it works out a.k.a. let's see if Luke Perry is up to anything and/or desperate enough for a guest spot or long-term gig on the new 90210. I'm hoping this comes back positive; the dude looked 30 when he was supposed to look 17 so he probably looks 80 now.

Then of course, they HAD to insert racism. I mean, let's be honest: a hotshot hollywood modeling agent is going to be a creepo pedophile AS WELL AS a KKK member. Which leads Dixon to engage in a short squirmish with said hotshot. Let's not perpetuate THAT stereotype AT ALL, 90210 writing staff.

In addition, we have introduced one of 90210's FAVORITE plot twists: the chemical addict. We saw this in many forms in the original: dylan and his binge drinking, cocaine (first kelly's mom, then kelly and colin, then someone else I'm sure), the girl who cut herself (not a drug, but the episode was so atrocious I feel it necessary to constantly remind myself that Donna Martin saved a girl who cut herself...).

So, now we have this "rising star" in high school drama class who is on some sort of drug and lashing out at her peers. Well played, 90210. I am sure that teens all across america are finding it easier to cope because of your sensitive and thoughtful portrayal. BLECH. The fact that she's a conniving bitch (but somewhere, down deep, I'm SURE she has a heart of gold) just makes this all the worse. I don't care about this girl, or her Jon-Benet-like mother or her stupid haircut with the heavy bangs. I hope she OD's (and from next week's preview, it looks like she may).

So, remember episode 1 when the dad found out he has a kid with his high school sweetheart somewhere out there? Yeah, I must be the ONLY one who remembers because the writers certainly haven't. Its not even MENTIONED. lame...

And lastly, Naomi -- the crazy bitch with the spiral perm who is devasted her parents aren't together. Hey, kid -- get a clue. The divorce rate is 60%, and I have a feeling in Beverly Hills its MUCH higher. Is this all they could really come with up for her "angst"?

In closing, I worked with a girl many years ago at the university library. she was that sort of tortured soul that wore "alternative" clothes and looked like she just stepped off the streets of NYC at 12 years old. she told me once (and I quote): "If you want to lose weight, you should take acid. I lost like 15 pounds in a month doing that."

This show sort of reminds me of that girl and her theory: that for all of lifes little trials and tribulations, if you just stay skinny, look young, and take mind altering drugs -- 90210 looks pretty fucking good.